


I Watched

by Kida_Bridger



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Spark Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kida_Bridger/pseuds/Kida_Bridger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jazz falls in love and for the most part is content to just watch. But not being loved back can bring a spark down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Watched

I watched as you held yourself stiff and unemotional the first time we met. And yet as I stared into those light blue optics, I found myself falling. But I could tell that you felt nothing, so I kept quiet. Time flew by, and we became friends. But that was all we were, and I valued it more then anything. 

I watched as you mourned the loss of lives, heritage and tradition when your home city fell. Others couldn't see what I saw. They said you weren't affected. Said you were cold-sparked, emotionless. They didn't see how your optics darkened with pain. Didn't notice how low your doorwings hung by the end of each dark day. I tried to be there for you, but I was worried that somehow my presence only made it worse. We were still friends after that, and yet it seemed strained. And I have no idea why. 

I watched as you fell in love. The mech was a handsome new recruit. The love was instant. One day you were yourself, the next I could see the difference even before you told me. My spark fell. But as long as you were happy, I could live with it. At some point you asked my opinion. Were you moving too fast? I told you that as long as you were happy and it was what your spark wanted, what did it matter? The two of you moved faster then even I thought possible, however. Before the vorn was out you were spark-mates, considering bonding.

I watched as you battled your very spark time and again. Sending your love out into battle was pure torture. I could see the fear in your optics each time. I tried to get you to talk to me about it. Yet you always changed the topic. Lately you've been focusing on me to distract yourself. I know that's all it is, even as you stare at me with concern in your optics. 

I watched as you called Ratchet to my quarters. I tried to tell you that he couldn't help me. That there was no cure for what was wrong with me. As happy as I was for you, in the end I couldn't stop my own spark from breaking. I slid into a depression for awhile. You made it even more difficult by staying by my side. Forcing me to take my energon. Keeping me company. I tried to shove you away. Told you to spend your time with your lover, instead of me. You didn't listen. So for my own sanity, I yelled, I lied, and I pushed you away. Damaging our friendship. I regretted it. But I knew It had to be done.

I watched as you drew away from me. You avoided me after that. And I told myself that it was for the best. I slowly forced myself back into what I had been. At least on the outside. I smiled. I joked. I played music and I danced. It was all a show. My spark was not in it. How could it be? I told myself that it would heal, that someday I would find someone else to love. 

I watched as you stared at me in horror, with slow dawning realization in your optics. We were returning from a mission gone bad, and there had been so many casualties. I had tried, nearly giving my own life. But it had been no use. Your lover had known. Had understood my feelings for you. And as I held his slowly graying frame, he begged me to take care of you. I told him I would give my own spark for you. 

I watched as your spark broke. I approached you carefully, hoping you didn't hate me. Relief flooded me as you reached for me, wrapping your arms around me and burying your helm in my neck. I held you as you broke down completely. And I made a vow. No matter if you fell in love again. No matter if you ended up hating me. No matter what, I would never leave your side again.

I watched as you said goodbye. I stood back, allowing you the space you needed, but close enough that you knew I was there for you. It was hard, I know. I worried, you were always so sad. It was to be expected though, I suppose. News came that we would have to leave Cybertron. And though I would miss our home, such as it was, I hoped that this journey would be good for you. Here you were surrounded by memories. Maybe in new surroundings you could start to live again.

I watched as you busied yourself with the preparations. Choosing who would go, what provisions we needed to take. You were so busy, always forgetting your energon. It became a habit to bring you a cube each night. The day before we were scheduled to leave, I accompanied you to Praxus. We wandered the destroyed city slowly. I knew you were saying your final goodbyes.

I watched as you tried to shout tactics as our ship was invaded by decepticons. The advice silenced as you were knocked offline. Fear swamped my spark and I tried to make my way to you. It was impossible though and I found myself defending against a mech twice my size. I fell to my knees, the mech delivering a second blow to the back of my helm. The ground tilted up to meet me. I was aware of you laying on the floor in front of me and I tried to crawl closer, but darkness flooded my processor and I knew no more. 

I watched as you leaned over me, an expression on your faceplates id never seen before, concern mixed with something unidentifiable. I smiled, sitting up. I was so excited that you were alright that I leaned forward and kissed you. I felt you stiffen, and my spark froze. A moment that stretched into an eternity and then you pulled away for a moment before leaning back in to hug me tightly. 

I watched as you adjusted to the new planet. Despite the battles with the 'cons you were finally able to slow down. And you were happy. I couldn't resist being happy for you as well. Slowly, ever so slowly that I didn't even notice, we began to get closer. We spent more time together. You would smile softly when I entered a room, making my spark tremble. I would hold your hand and rejoice that you didn't pull away from me. 

I watched as your doorwings lifted, and your optics lightened. Sure you still had to deal with the twins pranking, Ratchets poor berthside manners, and the occasional explosion from Wheeljack's labs. But I could tell you enjoyed it. Then came the battle that you were heavily damaged in. Ratchet did what he could for you, saying he wasn't sure if you would ever online again. I remained by your side the entire time. Even the prime couldn't pull me away. I spent the time singing softly about my love for you. I wasn't concerned that you would hear. Ratchet said it was impossible.

I watched as you opened your optics for the first time in a very long time. They were unfocused for a moment then they locked on to me and you smiled softly. The next minute you were leaning up and kissing me tenderly. I closed my optics and deepened the kiss. It was pure bliss and my spark shivered in happiness. After a little while, you pulled away and asked me to sing for you again. 

I watch as you lay on your side in my berth. I run my hand softly down your side as you recharge. Your exhausted I know, but I cant resist touching you. I still have a hard time believing that you love me as deeply as I love you, even though I see it in your optics each day. Tired optics flickered online to stare at me in amusement. 

I smile as you push me onto my back and lean over me. You brush a kiss over my lips, but even so I can see your processor is preoccupied with something. Worry flickers through me that you've decided to end what we have. I stiffen in your arms and I know you've noticed. You sigh softly and lean next to my audials to whisper something. My optics widen behind my visor and I give a breathy laugh before ecstatically pulling you close and kissing you repeatedly. Breathing my answer in between the kisses. 

I watch you as our sparks draw closer to each other. We have merged before, but this is different. This is permanent. This was forever. There is no hesitancy. We are both sure of this. I love you. And I know that if something ever happens to you, I will follow soon after.


End file.
